I’m a firm believer in the fact that there’s no such thing as a bad beer, unless the beer is actually bad as in spoiled. Otherwise, all beer is good in its form; it just needs to be paired properly to an occasion and mood. Beer like Corona for example is considered “bad” because the bottle is made out of glass that’s much lighter than say that of Dos Equis or Budweiser, which makes it more prone to being affected by sunlight. True as it may be, this information doesn’t affect my love for Corona; I guess you can say it’s somewhat of my guilty pleasure.

I must say though, most lagers taste pretty much the same to me. Sure you can try to get fancy with it, but as long as the yeast is fermenting at the bottom when the beer is being made, there really isn’t much room to play. Ales are for playing around and getting diverse. Lagers are for chugging.

Having said that, when I go to the Mexican supermarket to buy a case of beer I intend to chug, I go for the cheapest one I can find. The only category that should be considered when buying lager is how much of it you’re actually planning to chug before catching a buzz. Needless to say since I wasn’t about to play beer pong for 7 hours, I didn’t pick Natural light and went with Dos Equis instead. The fact that it ended up being a case of 20 mini bottles was a pleasant surprise. I didn’t even think they made those! I mean it’s ultimately the same amount of beer, so I paid $10 bucks for a case of pretty decent lager and I’m more than okay with that. If I was a dude, I’d definitely play with these bottles as “point of reference” objects while sexting. The only trick would be to make sure the hands are nowhere in the picture so as not to shift focus from the perceivably “big” knob, to ridiculously huge hands.

Unfortunately for that particular scenario, I’m not a dude. So instead I decided to exercise my womanly duties and make a pizza. By “make a pizza” I of course mean cheat a little and go to the frozen aisle.

Piece of advice so as not to take away from the experience of chugging good beer by eating shitty pizza: only make it in the oven and always improvise. I got the deluxe pizza of course but it wasn’t actually deluxe until I sprinkled my magic on it. Perhaps it was the excitement of baby bottles that fueled me or maybe it was my generally creative nature, but I smothered that thing with diced jalapenos, chipotle sauce and extra cheese before shoving it in the oven and the outcome was fantastic. I’m telling you, it’s the only way to win with frozen food; never underestimate its blandness and always overcompensate with stuff in your fridge.

All in all the pizza and beer night was a huge success. Oh it was a party alright. My 13 personalities and I had a grand time. Featured Bill Cosby was just a bonus.