Hollywood is an eccentric city full of wonderful chaos, where nothing is surprising but instead is merely amusing. Certain things that take place here may raise eyebrows in smaller towns somewhere more inland, but places like New York, parts of Florida and Los Angles reserve the right to be weird and own it. I mean, it’s not often referred to as Hollyweird for no reason. And here’s a big pink and black reason right there on the corner of Highland and Franklin.

I’ve seen this van a few now times but always in passing; this time I finally got to snap a picture of it while waiting for the light to change. So what do we have here? Is it a legalized undercover brothel or is it an actual cleaning service with a nice bonus in shape of a pair or breasts?

I say breasts because while topless sexy guys with a broom in their hand are fun to watch, it isn’t what they offer on hottoplessmaids.com. That’s right, I checked out their website; verified my age and everything. That always makes me laugh by the way; like if I wasn’t of age I would close the tab instead of typing a random fake date in there… Please.

Anyway, here’s their motto:

“Hot Topless Maids are not only beautiful, sexy ladies they are also efficient housekeepers. Whether you need your home or office cleaned we have the task under control and make the tedious job a whole lot of fun. When you book an appointment for cleaning services you can expect one gorgeous, sexy topless or nude maid along who will tantalize you with dusting, vacuuming, light kitchen chores, folding of clothes and linens and general organization. Upon request, she can bring along her assistant who brings experience, know-how and all the necessary equipment and supplies to get the heavy cleaning done if needed. Together they will happily clean whatever is required. Why not spice up your cleaning and get a lot of eye candy at the same time.”

Here’s what I get from all that. These “beautiful sexy ladies” are not maids; they do not clean. The website claims that it’s not just topless maids that you can book; it’s also topless waitresses and bartenders. Give me a break. These girls don’t know how to do anything except be naked, otherwise they would be out there doing that instead of this. As far as this cleaning service goes, they are merely eye candy that pretend to dust (probably with one of those fluffy wands that don’t do anything), vacuum (aka move the handle back and forth a few times over one spot), do light kitchen chores (aka wipe the counter), fold your clothes and move a few Post-its and pencils around on your desk. That is the extent of their cleaning. Now… Upon request, she can bring along her ‘assistant’ with actual housekeeping experience, who will inevitably get down on her hands and knees and actually clean, as opposed to other tasks that can be performed on your hands and knees.

In the corporate world the word ‘assistant’ often implies that it’s a hot young thing that wears shorts skirts and bends down as she brings you coffee. ‘Hot Topless Maids’ mentions nothing about the assistant being sexy; it only mentions that she will take care of the ‘heavy cleaning’ which basically means it’s probably going to be a middle aged Mexican woman.

Then there’s the matter of cost. I didn’t see a mention of the $99 that’s advertised on the van anywhere on the site. You can get a nude maid for cleaning/entertainment for an hour for the cost of $179. They say ‘entertainment’ but the implication is all too clear… And then of course, you know, if you want all the sex to be accompanied by actual cleaning in the background, you can pay an extra hundred bucks for the hard-working Mexicans. If you think about it, it’s a win-win situation. With their phone number appropriately being 1-844-SO-DIRTY, you get a ‘sexy’ girl to satisfy your dirty fetishes while the not-so-sexy woman gets the actual dirty out of your carpet and laundry.