Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Not because it’s a riveting Masterpiece, but because it’s a heartwarming, cute little Love Story that won’t leave you wondering ‘Holy mother, where did an hour and a half of my life go?’

MY ‘ Wednesday Night’ Background story:

Not much of a story. It was just another night. I had just come home from work; Too lazy to read a book and too sober to make the sound decision to JUST go to sleep, I decided to turn on Netflix.

“Continue to Watch” Section told me…
So I’ve been re-watching Grey’s Anatomy for the third time. Don’t ask me why. Anyway. Derek was about to die. Didn’t really feel like crying. Sooooo what’s next? Netflix is all about the previews. Next thing you know, Coach from New Girl is in front of my face; and wouldya look at that; his immediate sidekick is the hot loser girl from that one high school movie… The one where she was supposedly ugly and they made her hot just to humiliate her in front of everybody? Yeah, that one!
Long story short, I’m Sold AF! 

From this point on, expect some rambling; this is a blog after all.

I press play. The music starts. It’s happy music – I like it. What is this magical place? It’s so Colorful. Looks like San Francisco. I kinda like it. Ugh – Nevermind. I wouldn’t live here if you paid me. Too many liberals and it stinks like garbage. Cool car though; is it stick shift? Oh I bet it’s only stick shift for the cool Movie factor; because if you were to actually live in San Fran, you wouldn’t dare drive stick shift. Hills. Naw.

Anyway. Let’s put my personal opinion about SF aside. The premise of the movie is obvious from the get-go. Dude (Coach) is totally suing the crap out of a dating website for false advertisement. Love, guaranteed! – they say. He’s like, ‘Oh yeah? Let’s test that theory’

They’re all like, ALL you have to is go on a thousand dates and we guarantee you’ll find love. So he’s all like ‘Aight, game on!’ – Breakfast lunch and dinner dates. Talk about commitment.

Dates 1- 2 – 7 – 45:
That one girl with the wedding date sure makes an excellent observation… “He doesn’t look like he’s genuinely looking for love, but instead looking to disprove love” – Super Valid. Why else would he be going on three dates a day?
And then we have our Protagonist Lawyer Girl doing the due diligence, creating an online profile to see what it’s really like for the sake of research. She’s so cute; not knowing what online dating is like! People don’t look like their photo? Conversations can get weird? People just don’t show up? 

Adorable. That one Intermittent fasting guy? Hilarious. I love how he keeps showing up throughout the movie; Spying Dinner Date, The Courthouse… Like, what are you doing here dude? Go eat a burrito and take a healthy nap.

Whatever. He’s just a funny side piece. Back to our Dude Protagonist.

DUDE, you wanna know why all your dates suck?? Because you’re too quick to meet! I can say this because I too have unfortunately dabbled in the online dating world. They’re all like ‘I don’t have time to waste, let’s not talk for hours on end, let’s just meet’ and I’m all like ‘I REALLY don’t have time to waste, so LET’S talk for hours on end and find out all the things about one another so that we don’t have to waste our precious time getting ready and going out, meeting a STRANGER just to find out that we’re not a match on the actual date’. No thanks.

SIDE NOTE: He keeps categorizing his dates as if they were episodes on Friends. You know; The One with all the Cats; The One that was blah blah blah; etc.

Needless to say it was some pretty sweet foreshadowing, when He and She wound up on an unexpected date; and when it was over, and she was all ‘How would you categorize me in terms of Friends?’, he was all – ‘The One I Didn’t See Coming’ — Awe!

Don’t get all teary-eyed just yet. There’s more!

So there’s this old black guy in the mix. Naturally, he comes in with some wisdom. Nevermind his technical role in the movie but let’s just say he’s sort of a confidant of our main Dude. So they’re sitting at a pub, shooting the shit, and this is basically how it goes down:

– You’re obviously in love with your lawyer. You went on a thousand dates? You can’t go on one more?
– No, I can’t, blah blah, Susan is different…
– Exactly! You want to play in the shallow end; that’s not how you find love, you gotta dive deep.
– What if I drown? What if you swim?

Inspiring, isn’t it?

Real quick though. Can we address the scene where he tells her what he’s planning to do with the money if they win? Yeah. He’s all about charity as it turns out. It’s not for selfish gain after all. So naturally she’s all surprised, like “You never told me that”. And he’s all like “You never asked”. How the f*ck are you supposed to ask something like that? That’s not something that you inquire about, ever. That’s personal information. You don’t ASK your client what they plan to do with the money if they win the case. It’s not appropriate. So don’t give me that ‘You never asked’ bs. That’s basically equivalent to not filling out your online dating profile and instead writing ‘ask me’, and then getting upset when people don’t inquire about your inner world. Forgive me for not putting in the effort to get to know you when you’ve literally put zero effort into sharing ANYTHING about yourself.

Anyway. Fast forward to 59 minutes of the movie. They’re hanging, they’re getting to know each other, they’re basically in love. Just look at that long ass hug, followed by a kiss on the forehead? Really? Just married each other already. It’s love guaranteed at this point. 

Plot twist!  Fancy Lawyer Guy finds a loophole in the terminology of “Love Guaranteed”. Because you see, even though Nick didn’t find love on the website, he clearly Found Love through suing the website via inadvertently getting in touch and spending a whole bunch of time with Not-so-fancy Lawyer Girl. What will she choose? The new-found butterflies in her stomach, that certainly feel like love? Or will she choose to win the case and say goodbye to her potential love forever? The suspense is killing me as she… And of course she rejects an incoming call from him. Sigh.

This is the problem with people. They don’t communicate. If I were faced with such a dilemma, I would have told him about the damn “plot twist”. But no, she chose the lame route; suddenly went cold and professional like what they had wasn’t real. Whatever, I mean it’s a movie, obviously they have to pull that shit. But what’s sad is this type of stuff happens in real life all the time. Just say what the f*ck you’re thinking! Show how you feel! Closed mouths don’t get fed. People are so annoying.

ANYWAY. The movie’s over. It’s done. He chooses to drop the case and profess his love instead, whilst on the stand, being “under oath” and all. It’s all very adorable because of course she says she loves him too; it’s a whole rom-com moment. “It’s not a risk to fall in love, it’s a risk not to”. Move over Brad and Veronica (the totally fake poster couple used to advertise Love, Guaranteed); New couple’s in town, and they’re like totes for reals. Heather Graham (the seemingly evil CEO of the aforementioned company) comes through as well; donating 500 thousand to the children in the name of Love, even though the case got dropped. So yeah, cool little romantic comedy we’ve got on our hands here. With or without my commentary, it’s pretty predictable, but it’s cute; you should watch it.