Thousands of books and articles out there teach you to introduce yourself by name everywhere you go because a person’s name is important… While that may be true for situations like job interviews or romantic encounters, I disagree with such a concept wholeheartedly when it comes to introducing yourself by name to your patrons as either a bartender or a server. Here are 5 reasons why:

1. No one cares about anyone’s name but their own – Servers generally tend to introduce themselves by name; far more often than bartenders do. I can’t tell you how many times, as a bartender, I’ve had some Asswipe come onto my turf and complain about something that happened without my knowledge let alone my contribution somewhere over there, as they point in an obscure direction of where their table is located. Literally every single time I’ve ever asked the obvious question – “who’s your server?” – I received a combination of hands in the air and face contortions, accompanied by vague blabbering that resembles “I don’t know, some blonde girl”. You see? No one cares about anyone else’s name but their own!!!
2. Don’t waste your breath – Hi my name is so and so, and I’ll be your bartender today… There’s not another bartending soul within 15 feet of the area in which you are sitting, coincidentally the same area in which you shall be served, but I feel the need to clear up the fact that it is in fact I who will be tending to your needs and if you weren’t over-informed already, to top it off, here’s my name too. Oh but wait… Surprise, surprise – you’re not staying at the bar; you’re waiting for your party of 5 and ya’ll are gonna go sit at a table, which coincidentally means that I won’t in fact be tending to your needs after all, and more so I’ve wasted my breath and name on you.
3. You don’t know me & I don’t know you – People often take advantage of the bartender’s name. I can’t speak for 110% of the bartenders out there, but when I’m behind the bar and I’m busy, and I hear some Twatbucket that I’ve never even met yell out my name, which as it turns out he only knows because he dragged it out of one of my regulars, I get extra annoyed. Knowing the bartender’s name gives you power and with great power comes great responsibility! Use my name responsibly or don’t use it at all!
4. TMI– Unlike with the aforementioned single bartender example, often times you have more than one person taking care of you. Sometimes you’re at a crowded dive bar where you need to know not the bartender’s name but rather just your own, so you can keep ordering drinks on your tab accurately and efficiently. Other times you’re sitting at some fancy restaurant, literally being waited on hand and foot. Hi my name is Caleb, I’ll be your bartender until you move to your table. Hi my name is Myles and I’ll be taking your food order, as well as checking up on you once and again, before finally collecting your money. Hi my name is Raul, I’ll be delivering the food to your table. Hi my name is James, I’ll be refilling your water and collecting your dirty plates. Blegh! Who in their rich mind is ever going to remember any of that? Definitely too much information.
5. Let your service speak for itself – If you’ve truly given great service, I find that often times people ask* for your name at the end; whatever reason may be, whether they want to ask for you next time they come through or perhaps because they want to write a good review. On the other hand, if you’re a shitty server, they’re gonna find out what your name is at the end anyway because it’s on the receipt, in which case they can easily slap you with a bad review if they’re vindictive enough. So don’t worry about introducing yourself by name to every person that sits down in front of you; just worry about providing good service and save the pleasantries for later.

It’s been a pleasure dropping this knowledge on you. Come back for more solid advice anytime. Name’s Natasha. Kthanksbye.

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